Today I Sat And Wondered

Why is it that when I finally feel
That I've taken those two steps forward,
That I wake up some days feeling like
I haven't even reached the starting line yet?

Today is one of these days.
I feel fat and I feel stupid.
I feel unfocused
And I feel isolate ... alone.

The world continues to turn
And my part spins and wobbles,
Often with grace ... always with joy,
And, sometimes, not today, with tears too.

But the question remains
And seems to be one of point-of-view
So ... I'll answer the question,
Because it seems important.

There are voices inside of each of us
And some are old taped messages from childhood
Some are the songs of angels
And, of course, the whisperings of our higher selves.

Our job is to listen to the voices,
And watch our thoughts and actions ...
And, since the voices say I'm fat & stupid,
I'm making a small path correction.

I've made that path correction before,
And may need to do so again sometime,
Because I've found out that I'm not perfect,
Even if it doesn't look that way to you.

So ... why do I wake up some days
Feeling like I've yet to start?
Because it's time to start again,
And it's just that simple ...

So I smile and start again,
And I remember that having a beginner's mind
Is the paradoxical goal of Zen masters
And rejoice in my exalted company.

And, while I still feel isolate,
I can feel your presence in the world.
And, though I still feel like I have a lot to learn,
Well ... after all, I am just starting.

And some of us can take more than two steps forward
Before the voices warn of going past beginning,
Warn of getting complacent, fat, and stupid,
But I'm one of the lucky ones, and can't.

Were I to offer my life up as a gift,
I would hope you received some of that luck
And you heard your voices all the time ...
And I hope they would be cheering you on.

For, like I said ... today I have felt
Fat and stupid and isolate ...
And my voices have found a way to cheer me on
And so ... I wrote this ... to receive the cheer.

Hoping your voices sing of warm affection ...